I just pynch a tree in the face
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
