I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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