I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
