well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize