Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
