I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Randomize
