i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
i now understand why vodka
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
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