we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
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