You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
