genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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