I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
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