playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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