I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
It was confusing and full of hummus
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
