I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
