Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Randomize
