And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize