Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Randomize
