even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
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