Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
