I haven't been this sober since birth.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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