Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Randomize
