He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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