Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
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