Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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