i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize