so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
How drunk are you?
Completed.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
