The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
