If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I am available for nakedness
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
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