first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
