But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
