You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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