It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Two words: blizzard sex
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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