Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
