So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
