you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Randomize
