Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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