Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
