Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
