I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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