Just took my morning after pill in the library
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
