Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
