Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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