You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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