oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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