Just mADE A PArabola og urine
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize