It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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