you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
