i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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