Kiss
Puke
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
