Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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