Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
