Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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