plz talk dirty to me
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Randomize
