this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
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