The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
This gyro tastes like lonliness
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
try to milk me bitch
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
