All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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