ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Randomize
