the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
