1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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