I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
