i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Dick very happy bro
Randomize
