I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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