New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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