remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Randomize
