So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize