Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
