So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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