evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
