so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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