"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize