Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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