what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Randomize
