I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
