Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
