dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize
