I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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