just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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