margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
