I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
