He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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