How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
