That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
