Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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