hell yes lets make some ravioli
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Randomize
