why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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