why didn't you poke me back
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
operation harelip BJ is a go
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
