I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
