No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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