Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
