Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
