It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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