I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
