how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Randomize
