There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
im holly from the hills drunk
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
