i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
