You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Randomize
